Dani-

ok, so today:
1.HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!! :D
2. Chapter 8 will be out on danielliecresey.blogspot.com
3. It's my turn!

So i've been thinking on what to put on here...and i decided i would post a picture of my favorite car (THE Porsche 911 TURBO) :D it's awesome...i love it.
and then...i will post some funny forwards i found...:)

9 Psycotic acts to do in your day-to-day life

1. Walk up to a table in the mall and pick up someone's food item. Look at them sternly and say "YOU DO NOT LIKE THIS FOOD!!!" Then trun to the table next to them. Give them a warm smile, pat them on the shoulder and say, "BUT YOU DO!!!" then walk away.

2. While sitting in English class suddenly throw yourself on the floor face odwn, and start screaming while convulsing "Ther are coming to get me!!!! HELP!!!!! Don't let them take me!!!!!!! (continue on....)!!" Then get up, dust yourself off and sit down like nothing ever happened.

3. Walk up to someone on a street, grab their face, and stare intently into their eyes. After a few moments of doing so say things like, "You are blessed my child!!!" "You must use your great gifts!!!" (Maybe after doing this give a little smile and stroll away).

4. Go to a dance (other than one at your school). When you get there, walk up to anyone you see and ask if they will be your friend. (Twitching ever so often would be a nice touch to add, along with occasional drooling)

5. If you see a romantic couple walking, approach them and squeeze them. Place your arms around each one of them and start singing "We are family"

6. Go to the mall in your own bathing suit (paricualry in the middle of winter). Go to a large fountain and try to swim in it. Suddenly start screaming that you are drowning and somebody call 911. When the police approach you, tell them you never had a pool of your own and bawl hysterically.

7. If someone glances at you, start singing things like, "you want my body, you think i'm sexy, ....."

8. When carrying a purse, open it repeatedly and look into it saying "BE QUIET!!! THEY'LL HEAR YOU!! THAT IS IT MISTER!!! TIME OUT FOR YOU!!!"

9. Ask someone to smell your armpits and tell them you can't tell if your deodorant is working, but maybe they can tell if it's working

and yes...i know this one is long...but i thought it was HILARIOUS!


~Daddys 10 Rules In Dating~
-Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering
a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
-Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at
her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If
you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I
will remove them.
-Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age
to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling
off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and
all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair
and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise:
You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your
pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order
to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the
course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail
gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
-Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me
elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will
kill you.
-Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each
other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of
the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from
you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely
back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject
is "early."
-Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities
to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay
with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little
girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished
with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
-Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to
appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If
you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My
daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer
than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing
there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in
my car?
-Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer
than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen,
or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places
where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where
the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to
wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than
overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her
throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be
avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games
are okay. Old folks homes are better.
-Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-
aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I
am the all- knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you
where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me
the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a
shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle
with me.
-Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake
the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over
a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up,
the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I
wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into
the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain
sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice
that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then
return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside.
The camouflaged face at the window is mine!